Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
