I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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