I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
