Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
