I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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