I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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