The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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