i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
