So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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