Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
this boner is exhausting
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
