at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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