Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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