We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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