you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
