Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
