Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
