I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
