I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
