foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
