i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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