No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
