Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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