Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
