cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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