who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
