whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
