is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
