I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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