i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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