Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
