I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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