ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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