i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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