I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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