I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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