My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
