Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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