Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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