Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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