I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
