Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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