I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
