i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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