He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
