Your mouth is God's brothel.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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