he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Found the puke drawer
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
