Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
