We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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