someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Randomize
