She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Floor bacon is actually really good
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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