he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
