he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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