Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize