I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
