Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
