I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hippo gnu deer
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
