I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
