Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
