there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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