i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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