Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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