Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
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She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
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You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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