and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
