Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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