the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
