That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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