'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
