there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize