im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
