just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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