We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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